Apr 13, 2009 – Homecoming

April 13 – Homecoming

A friend of mine from prison got out today. He’s moving into this complex also. It was funny to see the expressions on his face as he experienced freedom. He was incarcerated for 7 years. As much as I was excited and overwhelmed at all the sights and sounds, his experience must have been more since I was only “down” for a little over 2 years. His smile was plastered from ear to ear. He noticed cars, trees, smells, people, food; every mundane, normal, boring thing about life. That’s one of the best parts of being released – a heightened awareness and amplified appreciation for the little things. I took a picture of him on my phone. I still have it. It reminds me of the joy that we inmates experience once we are a part of society again. Sadly, it’s that same society that dulls our joy by sucking us into the rut called life. This is where we’re forced to pay full attention to computer screens, telephones, high definition, iced lattes, and deadlines. Away goes the moments spent smelling the air, examining a leaf, appreciating horses, listening to your heartbeat, and staring fondly at the person who loves you most. Even freedom has its price. Double Stuft Oreos are a great compensation though.

My homecoming was last week. Tonight my friend will be unpacking his belongings as I did a few nights ago. Doing that was really hard for me. I was arrested suddenly, so my possessions were packed away by a stranger. As I opened the boxes that “Mom and Dad” kept for me, it was like opening a time capsule. My life as it was in May of 2006 was in these boxes. Dirty dishes and all. There were piles of receipts from debit card purchases, dirty clothes, letters, CD’s, pictures…everything that was me 3 years ago. I don’t like that man. He was not a good man. Among the items were a few pages of journaling I wrote about my arrest and the situation that led to my arrest. Man, was I messed up. My writings were rambling and twisted. My view on everything was distorted and angry. I read them in disbelief. I remember writing them, but I’m very disconnected with the views expressed in them. I may post them here. I don’t know. I’m embarrassed of them. I wish I could have been a better man without having to be imprisoned. But I was so hardheaded and NOT interested in changing. I was happy with where I was and would have continued to deteriorate had I not been arrested. I had already paid for my first prostitute the previous month, was writing to a nice woman via email and was going to meet her in CA for a weekend that was not as special to me as it was to her, I was about to break up a marriage by seducing another man’s wife, and I was making arrangements with my neighbor to start having 3-ways with her and her boyfriend. I was a womanizer, remember? It’s a shame to me now and I’m thankful that I’m a different person. I’m sorry for the way that I got to this point…but I’m glad to be here. It’s much nicer being a good man…for once in my life.

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