Apr 8, 2009 – Buses, Therapists…

Wednesday, April 8, 2009 – Buses, Therapists, and CCO’s

I have told my “family” to not pick me up today so as to save them gas and time. I’ll ask my CCO if I can stay the night at their house tomorrow night. I have a few reasons for asking: 1) To give me more time to work on the DVD, 2) To save them a trip to my apartment and back twice, and 3) I have to be there on Friday anyway to get my Letter of Adjudication in the mail and get my license. But convincing someone from the Department of Corrections isn’t usually an easy task.

I had to take the bus today. I have realized that I was a snob before I fell (“fell” meaning being arrested and incarcerated). I know nothing about public transportation nor the people who have to use it. My roommate tried to give me the rundown of what I needed to do, but his words were drowned out by the screaming fear in my head of facing yet another new situation. So I missed some of his more important tidbits of information. To set the tone of the day in a summary, I missed every bus I wanted to get on. At the end of the day, I took the right bus home…going the wrong way. I ended up about 20 miles out of the way. By the time I got home I had been gone a full 8 hour day, with 6 hours of that spent on the buses. I have a whole new respect for those who utilize the public transportation system. Especially mothers who have to tote their young, their groceries, and their dignity along the bus routes. A good woman is a crown to her husband. These ladies were golden crowns, everyone of them. I hope their children will one day realize and appreciate what their mothers had to endure to keep them fed and clothed. May God bless them all.

My first appointment was with my therapist. He seems like he’ll be very easy to get along with. He expects me to be transparent about my day to day life and what I’m going through mentally and emotionally. The focus of course is on sexual deviancy. I have to report any arousals I have no matter if they’re appropriate or not. I have to report any contact with minors even if it’s from one saying hi to me on the bus. Such contact is called “incidental” contact. What would get me into trouble is making initial contact with a minor or prolonging contact that’s been initiated by them. I don’t have to be rude or act crazy to get away from them, but I cannot be standing around striking up conversations with them. That’s for their protection and mine. It protects them because I might be one of THOSE sex offenders who is trying to manipulate them. It protects me because it keeps potential accusations against me to a minimum. I’ll attend a group therapy once a week for 2 hours. There are about 7 other men in the same group. This is our time to check in with each other about how we’re doing with our sexual struggles.

When I got back to my apartment the landlord came to me frantically about my CCO calling. My CCO said I MUST be in his office today, or else be in violation. VIOLATION!? (Anytime “violation” comes up, that means possible jail time, anywhere from 24 hours to 6 months depending on the severity.) I had called his office already this morning as I was instructed to do by the other CCO on Monday. But apparently he wants me there in person. So, I have to find out what bus route to take to my CCO’s office. I got the information and was on my way. When I got there, I was scolded once again about “when a CCO says ‘call the office’, it means come by in person”. Geesh. OK, so I met my CCO. I’ll call him “J”. He looks like he came right out of the WWE. He gave me 3 rules: 1) Check in with him in person once a month, 2)Prepare to do a UA (Urinary Analysis) when I come in, and 3) Stay out of trouble. “If you’ll do these 3 things, it won’t even feel like you’re on supervision”. Cool. I like it. Some men have to check in once a week or twice a month. So, I’m thankful for my frequency. Since I am a Level 1, I live in a monitored complex, and I have a lot of approved accountability people, I am a very low risk. I am relieved that finally DOC and I agree with something. I am a very low risk. I have no interest in re-offending. I have no interest in breaking the law. I want to do well and pull myself out of this mess I got myself into. I want to be a good example for other sex offenders who are getting out of prison. It’s important to me that they do well also. For everyone concerned, it’s best that they do well.

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